To Circ or Not To Circ...(potentially a little NSFW)

Is this really a question? Is keeping a baby boy intact or cut an issue? YES!

No matter your stance on the issue, male children are affected by your thoughts and beliefs on circumcision. I'm not here to sway you one way or the other, (remember I'm a social worker and I only want what is best for you in YOUR situation, I promise) but I do want you to make the BEST DECISION for YOUR child and in YOUR circumstance/s! I think I've also been thinking more and more about this issue since I'm a soon-to-be, second-time, AUNT to a boy!

Recently, I had the pleasure (wrong word?!) of witnessing a circumcision procedure. Wow.  I honestly had no idea what all went into the procedure.  It's not an easy, quick, snip of some skin at the tip of a baby's penis.  It's a little bit more than that.

I will spare you all the gory details but I will show you the tool that was used...

I'll let you figure out how that was used :)

After doing some research on circumcision (anyone who looks at my browser's history right now would probably be concerned!) I learned that there are many different ways to do a circ and many different tools one can use.  Whatever. I saw the one above used and that was enough for me. But still, what's the point of a circ?

For those on the camp side that are FOR circumcisions, they usually list the following reasons as to why:

• It's cleaner! Like, who has the two seconds it takes to clean a baby's penis properly anyways?!
• The bible says it should be done, duh!
• It's done to prevent UTIs, the spread of diseases, and to prevent penile cancer.  You want your kid to get cancer?!?!
• My son should look like his dad.  I don't want him to think he's different!
• An uncircumcised penis looks gross.  Who wants to see that?!

For those on the other side of the camp, who are AGAINST circumcision, usually have these reasons as to why:

• You are not cutting my son.  The procedure is painful and he'll remember it forever...ahhhh!
• Having foreskin makes sex more pleasurable, don't take that away!
• God gave him that skin for a reason, not for it to be taken away.
• If my son wants it done, he can decide on his own when he's old enough
• An circ'ed penis looks the same when it's erect!

Ok, yes, that's all dramatic and stuff (and I know there's a lot more reasons for both sides) but for some reason, this topic is a sensitive topic that people get dramatic about!  Anyhow, at the end of the day, and what I want to stress to you the most is, THIS IS YOUR DECISION (as a parent), please make it wisely and with as much knowledge as possible.  Don't listen to others out there.  Do your research.  And talk to your doctor!!! 

and...if you really wanna know what I would do if, heaven forbid, I ever have a son, hit me up  :)

Who's Your Momma?

This is actually a topic that was discussed in the LCSW supervision group I was a part of years ago and I never really thought much about it after that conversation, until recently, as I'm now working in the perinatal field.

So, who's your mom?  Or rather, who's the mom?

The thought I've been pondering about is this: is it acceptable to refer to any woman, whether related to you or not, by "Mom/Momma/Mommy/etc." just because she has a child or children?  Is this cultural? Ethical? Am I wrong for not doing it? 

It goes like this...I walk into a room with a nurse so she can introduce me (we don't do it this way all the time, just when we/I think it would help as the nurse already has built rapport with the patient), and the nurse knocks on the door, enters, and excitedly says "Hey Momma! This is so and so, blah blah blah, you get the picture." They never use the word Mom in any way other than a positive way. 

The first time I actually heard this happen my immediate reaction was shock. 'Like, did I hear her right?! Ok it's just this once, I'll let it go.' But it happened again.  And again.  And again.  Not every nurse or healthcare professional does this, but many do. And I still feel a little shocked each time I hear it.  

Growing up for me was different than it is for most.  I was adopted.  My birth mother could not raise me.  But I knew who she was, she was a family member.  I never called her Mom or any form of the word. I called my adoptive mother, Mom. She was my mom. She was raising me.  In my mind, my birth mother did not deserve to be called Mom (and yes, this is another story for another day!). The word Mom, to me, was sacred and only one's mom should be called that. I've realized this is a value for me. 

I consider myself an open, empathetic person and one who is not quick to judge. So when I realized that hearing the use of 'Mom' in a different way was actually bothering me, I knew I needed to think deep about it and examine myself. So, thinking on this topic has me all over the place.  It seems for some it is a cultural, respect thing. I actually hear the use of this word more among African Americans. I rarely hear it among Caucasians.

I think it is mostly used as an endearing way to say "dear, hun, hey you, etc." and is an affectionate term. But does using this word devalue women? What if one can't be a mom, for whatever reason? What if a woman who just lost a child is called 'Mom' by someone who doesn't know her situation? 

While writing this, I realized I hear the use of 'Mom/Mommy/Momma' in another way too - adults calling small female children 'Momma.' What if that child grows up, remembering that she was once called 'Momma' but she cannot have children. Does this affect her at all? Again, are we devaluing moms by calling non-moms this? Are we putting undue pressure on women who don't want to be moms or who can't be moms?

I don't have the answer.  I don't have most answers! I do know for me though, I am uncomfortable calling anyone else but my mother, 'Mom.' It's ok with me though if you feel otherwise and practice differently than I do. Just make sure you've really thought this through and are doing it for the right reasons and appropriately.